Why am I here? July 2010
While in Nicaragua in July 2010 I began to pray asking God just why I was on this mission’s trip. What did He want from me? I began to cry out to Him. Faith. Give. It. All. But what about…? All. And…All. It was very evident that He had begun to show me that He has plans for my life and that He was about to change my life drastically.
I just can’t stop! November 2010
While in Nicaragua God began to speak to me about adoption. I had always said that if I were not married by the age of forty then I would begin to look into adoption. That was my plan…..now for God’s plan......... One day while praying on our way to El Timal I heard God say, “What if I told you now.” I said, "What? How? Oh yeah, faith." Since coming home from Nicaragua God has been pouring on my heart the desire of adoption stronger and stronger every day. Most days that’s all I can think about. I have been praying asking for His direction and to be obedient to His command. By Thanksgiving it was consuming my every waking moment, and my dreams. A friend of mine recommended a book for me to read and of course it was about an adoption. Now I have to admit, even though I am a teacher, I don’t like to read. I get bored, I forget that I am reading and then find the book a month later, I can’t focus. Get the picture. Well, let’s just say I couldn’t put this book down and within a day and a half I had finished reading this book. I went to bed that night and began to pray. Why? You know I desperately want to be married and have children. Why won’t you give me someone? And then just as plain as if He was standing next to me, well I’m sure He was, God said, “What do you want more? A husband or a child?” And without even thinking I immediately said, “A child!” That was all it took. My heart aches and longs for my child. I know without a doubt that God already knows who my child will be and even the date we will unite and I will finally be called “Mamma”.
Feelings like never before December 2010
How can I do this? I am a single person. Can I afford this? Who will watch my child when I leave for work? How will I pay the adoption costs? FAITH. Every time I start to have a doubt God places something or someone in my life to show me that YES this is His plan for me, just have faith. I have been researching adoptions now for the past three months and I find myself crying out to God, literally. Cries like I have never had before or even knew existed. Sometimes I find myself crying and smiling at the same time. Thinking and imagining what it will be like. Crying for my dear child that is longing to be held and given a hug and kiss good night. I found a song one night while searching the web for adoption information and these lyrics were my cry:
We have room for you, child
Soon you will have a new home
When the lonely tears roll down your face
Know that you don’t cry alone
We’re down on our knees
Praying for the day
When we will meet you face to face
We have room in our hearts
Room in our home
For the rest of our lives
You will always be our own
We have room in our hearts
Room in our home for you
We Have Room
© 2009 We Have Room
Lyrics: Heidi Weimer and Micah Huebner
What to do now? March 12, 2011
I have made a few calls and emails to some agencies and I believe I have chosen a country and possibly an agency.
Since my uncle is from Peru and my heart is in Central America, Nicaragua I have felt lead to adopt from a Latin America country.
I think I am almost ready to begin the process but again the fears and anxiety are there….faith.
I will now go and pray for His direction and His timing.
"Our God is the one who opens doors that no man can close and opens other doors that no man can shut. He sovereignly works all circumstances for our good as long as we love Him and are called according to His plans", (Rom. 8:28,29).
Show me.
Teach me.
Guide me.
Make me strong for You.
Give me FAITH.
Application Sent! August 29, 2011
After much prayer I have filled out my application and submitted it.
I am so excited and nervous and scared all at the same time.
I am not afraid of raising a child as a single person or even the insane amount of money it’s going to cost.
Nope, I know God will make all of that happen if He wants me to bring His child home.
Instead, my fear is of the attacks the Satan will try and throw at me now that I’ve begun the process.
I know, silly.
But at the same time I tell myself that my Father’s shield is much larger than any attack
that could come my way and He will protect me, hold me and carry me through.
Application ACCEPTED! September 8, 2011
I received an email today that my application to begin working with my adoption agency had been accepted! Yea, it's for real! I cannot explain the overwhelming joy and excitement that I am feeling.
